Stormy Daniel's description of Trump's penis ruins Mario games forever

We all know by now to expect the completely unexpected in the day-to-day world of the Donald Trump administration. But nothing could have prepared us for this, the day we found out about the overlap between Trump and Super Mario.

A copy of Stormy Daniels' tell-all Full Disclosurefell into the hands of The Guardian, which shared this nugget with the world, illuminating the tryst Daniels had with Trump and forever altering the way we interact with the most popular video game franchise in history.

She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...

“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

It's hardly the first time we've encountered a penis in Mario's (allegedly) family-friendly world but it may be the most disturbing.

Nintendo did not respond to a request from Mashable for comment.

The reaction across the web this morning has been a casual mix of disgust, horror, fascination, and, occasionally, correction.

CARD ID: 385823

CARD ID: 385825

CARD ID: 385828

CARD ID: 385827

CARD ID: 385829

CARD ID: 385830

CARD ID: 385826

CARD ID: 385824

Of course, we all know the way this inevitably ends, right?

CARD ID: 385832

God help us, please.