Apple goes after the distrustful

Sometimes, you just need to keep tabs on your lying little demon spawn.

On Tuesday, Apple announced a new Apple Watch feature for the discerning, yet distrustful parent who doesn't believe their child should ever know the taste of true freedom or independence. Say hello to Family Setup: a tool which lets you track the location of your children with a cellular model Apple Watch.

Family Setup gives overbearing moms and dads around the world the ability to pair multiple Apple Watches to their own iPhone. And, having done so, it gives those same moms and dads the power to keep tabs on the watches' locations.

"You can specify which contacts your kids can communicate with, when using messages and more," explained Deirdre Caldbeck, Apple's director of Apple Watch, at the Tuesday livestreamed event. "And you can set up automatic location notifications, so whether it's grandma's house, school, or basketball practice, you'll get the reassurance your child is exactly where you expect them to be."

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Don't let them out of your digital sight. Credit: apple

Family Setup-enabled Apple Watches will have their own phone number "through a separate cellular plan" — finally fulfilling the world's desire for a product that incurs all the costs of a monthly phone plan, without offering the full capabilities of a phone. Family Setup does offer, however, customizable location notifications that "[allow] the guardian to receive an update on their family member's location for one occasion, or on a recurring or time-based schedule."

Interestingly, Caldbeck made the pitch that Family Setup is a product for grandparents as well as children. Why just track your kids, after all, when you can digitally monitor your elderly parents as well?

There's also Schooltime mode, which Caldbeck wants viewers to know "helps kids stay focused." Because yeah, Apple Watches are absolutely the focus boost most children need.

Always tracking. Credit: screenshot / apple

So go ahead and slap one of these babies on your baby's wrist. According to Apple's very helpful informercial, it's never too early to get your tikes into the Apple ecosystem.

If you have a cellular model of Apple Watch Series 4 or a later model, you can get Family Setup as a free software update starting Wednesday.